


Watch Your Actions

by noodlerdoodler



Series: The Girl Who Couldn't Stop [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blood, Eye Trauma, F/M, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-02
Updated: 2016-04-02
Packaged: 2018-05-30 18:47:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6436132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noodlerdoodler/pseuds/noodlerdoodler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" Terezi, who has lost all control of her logical thoughts, screams at him because she can feel her eyes burning. She needs, she needs, she needs. She has been reduced from a troll to a beast, filled with these bad thoughts and compulsive urges that seem completely animal, and she can't help herself. She can't calm down, even when Karkat stops yelling and just cries and promises that everything is going to be okay. She keeps screaming that she hates him and her eyes hurt- can't he see that she needs to touch them?</p><p>"Oh my glubbing cod!" Two trolls screaming in the ablutions block is enough to attract attention from anybody nearby and who would show up but Feferi? She's standing in the doorway, tasting strongly of shock, and obviously staring at them in horror. Of course, they must be soaked in Terezi's blood by now and Terezi is screaming and Karkat is crying. Who wouldn't stare?</p><p>"Feferi, she's losing a lot of blood." Karkat manages to say, "Please get Rose and Kanaya and tell them that it's an emergency. Please, please, please hurry. Terezi can't die, she can't die..." And he's reduced to tears again, "Feferi, for the love of god, run as fast as you can!"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Watch Your Actions

It's the middle of the day, when Terezi should be fast asleep in her pile, and instead she's awake and up. She woke up and needed to pee, so she pushed Karkat's arm off her (he grumbled and hugged a copy of _Alternian Law and Order V_ instead- adorable!) and headed for the ablution block. And she peed and washed her hands and then sat against the door. 

Her head dropped down to rest on the top of her knees and she shivered in the coolness of the room, wishing that she'd brought her dragon cape with her to keep warm. She crossed her arms tightly and closed her eyes because... Her eyes. Dear god, her eyes. Her burning red, ugly, fascinating, touchable eyes and all their repulsiveness were resting in her skull, in her reach. It makes her feel... It makes her feel... Well, Rose called it anxiety or obsession when she was talking about it. But Terezi somehow feels it's more than that- it's worse than that. 

Terezi has always thought of herself as a fairly confident person, as somebody who isn't afraid to face anything. Somebody who is prepared to yell their opinions at anybody who would listen enthusiastically and have a good time and throw rainbow rumpus party(town)s where everybody was invited. She had always looked at someone like, say, Tavros and been confused as to why he couldn't just _get_ some self-esteem. After all, she had plenty of it and had no idea where his had gone. _Why doesn't he stop stuttering?_ she'd wondered once, genuinely confused. 

Finding out that these thoughts, these intrusive thoughts and the bubbling feelings that accompanied them, was some kind of anxiety had completely thrown her. She was Terezi fucking Pyrope and she didn't get nervous or anxious or whatever. She was completely confident in herself- or so she had thought. Now, sitting in the ablutions block with these bad words and images rushing through her head and her pulsing racing and her stomach clenching and her eyes burning for attention, she wasn't so sure of herself anymore. Her... Rose called it a compulsion, had always had feeling in control of herself and of everything. She was the boss of her eyes. But now...

"This isn't right." Terezi mumbles, as her index finger brushes lightly over her disgustingly wet right eye. She could have left it there but once she starts, she can't stop. She pokes and prods at them, using each finger in turn and swearing if it hurts. At some point, her eyes start filling with tears and she lets them fall onto her lap. There's a temporary relief accompanied with each touch and if anything, she'd compare it to strifing. A few seconds of relief and delight that she made a hit before the next sword swing comes her way. 

There's a knock on the door of the block. 

"Who is it?" Terezi asks, swallowing her sob. Her right middle finger keeps working at her eye.

"It's me, Karkat." His voice is thick with tiredness, "I can't sleep without you. Are you taking a shit or something in there? You've been gone for a literal hour and goddamnit, I want to go back to sleep."

"I'll be out in a minute." Terezi tells him and she tells herself that she'll stop now. Her body doesn't listen. 

"Are you crying?" Karkat asks. 

"No." Her finger hits a sore spot and she barely smothers her cry. 

There's a pause. 

"Terezi, let me in right the fuck now." Karkat demands, his voice suddenly awake and serious; he's not even yelling, he's almost whispering but it's harsh and demanding, "I'm not fucking around here, I will kick this door down. I'm not standing out here while you're hurting." 

"No!" She doesn't want him to see her like this. But she can't stop. 

"Terezi, stop screwing around!" Karkat hammers on the door, "Let me in!" 

He rattles the door handle. 

"I don't want you to see." Terezi is crying for real now, sobbing so hard that it nearly obscures her words, "Please, don't come in!" 

There is a lock on the door but it doesn't work very well, since Equius broke it a while back with his E%TREME STRENGTH. It took everybody on the meteor precisely five seconds to work out that if you pushed the door with enough force, the lock would be compromised and it would fly open. It's the reason that everybody has been walked in on in the ablutions block at least twice. Karkat knows this and he shoves the door with his shoulder, forcing it open. Terezi, sat against the door, is pushed and cries out again. The door smacks her in the back again. 

"Terezi, move away from the door!" Karkat yells, his voice panicked now. 

Sobbing, she shuffles away from the door and crumples on the middle of the floor instead, unable to stop the tears from flowing fast and quick. Karkat is at her side quicker than she'd thought possible and he's grabbing her hands to pull them away from her eyes. And he's yelling _stop it, stop touching them, you're bleeding_ and that explains the strong smell of teal on her hands and lap. And he's holding her hands at her sides and he's crying too, his forehead pressed against hers, and he's saying that he doesn't want to have to do this. He doesn't want to have to hold her down to stop her stupid OCD thing. 

"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" Terezi, who has lost all control of her logical thoughts, screams at him because she can feel her eyes burning. She needs, she needs, she needs. She has been reduced from a troll to a beast, filled with these bad thoughts and compulsive urges that seem completely animal, and she can't help herself. She can't calm down, even when Karkat stops yelling and just cries and promises that everything is going to be okay. She keeps screaming that she hates him and her eyes hurt- can't he see that she needs to touch them? 

"Oh my glubbing cod!" Two trolls screaming in the ablutions block is enough to attract attention from anybody nearby and who would show up but Feferi? She's standing in the doorway, tasting strongly of shock, and obviously staring at them in horror. Of course, they must be soaked in Terezi's blood by now and Terezi is screaming and Karkat is crying. Who wouldn't stare? 

"Feferi, she's losing a lot of blood." Karkat manages to say, "Please get Rose and Kanaya and tell them that it's an emergency. Please, please, please hurry. Terezi can't die, she can't die..." And he's reduced to tears again, "Feferi, for the love of god, run as fast as you can!" 

The sound of footsteps racing away from them follows and Terezi listens to them until the seadweller turns the corner at the end of the corridor. There's an urgency in them and in Karkat's voice that terrifies her. She wants it to go away. She closes her eyes tightly. 

In most movies, the hero passes out and wakes up in a hospital afterwards with all their friends gathered around to see them. But Terezi is far from being the hero, she's her own archnemesis, and she doesn't pass out. It hurts and it hurts and it hurts and she's tired and dizzy but she's completely aware of everything that's going on around her. She's aware of Rose and Kanaya arriving and her being carried quickly somewhere else, somewhere that smells a lot prettier than the ablutions block, and the whole time she can't stop yelling. It hurts and she's exhausted and her voice is raw but she can't stop trying to squirm free. Eventually, something stabs her in the arm and her limbs go slack. 

Overhead, Kanaya's voice is shaking but calm as she takes advantage of her Sylph powers to help her out. And she soothes Terezi, wiping the blood from her eyes, and somehow managing to take away the pain for now at least. 

Terezi dips in and out of sleep for a while, fully aware of Kanaya's neat fingers on her eyes and Karkat's hand clenched tightly in hers. 

"It's going to be okay." Karkat promises, again and again, and she believes him. 

When she finally wakes up properly, fully aware and in control of all her limbs again, Terezi can only smooth slowly and stiffly. Her back is sore from having the door rammed against it, her eyes are sore from being poked, and her throat is sore from yelling. She pushes herself up, inhaling deeply to get a good look at the room, and decides this must be Rose's room. Terezi is lying on a human bed, so soft that it feels like she's being eaten alive by quicksand, and everything hurts as she forces her body into a sitting position. Automatically, her hands drift to her eyes and she discovers there's cloth tied around them. 

Exploring with her fingers, she discovers a long red fabric is tied around her eyes and falling down her back. A blindfold, she realises, with a kind of irony. That makes her snort with laughter as she brushes her hair free of the blindfold, letting it fall over it. There's nobody here with her, weirdly, which is lucky because she probably seems mad. Terezi pushes herself off the bed and after checking briefly to see if anybody brought her came, she decides that she'll have to venture on without it. She fumbles her way to the door. 

"Hello? Karkat?" Where is everybody? Where is her matesprit, if not at her side any more? She wishes that she had his hand to hold tightly again. Terezi takes unsteady steps down the corridor, her back really sore. The door must have hit her harder than she thought. Maybe Karkat isn't such a weakling after all- maybe the knight in shining armour is stronger than she thought. She still can't believe he found her. 

Terezi is so glad that he found her or she'd be bleeding to death on the cold floor of the ablutions block right now. She's just sad that he had to see her in such a shitty state. Screaming at him, fighting to be free, desperate to touch her eyes... She must have been a mess. Now that he knows that there's something seriously wrong with her, Terezi is willing to bet that Karkat will want to drop their quadrant. Which is a shame because... She's had a flush crush on him for years and she was so happy to finally get his candy-red heart. She doesn't want all that to go down the drain. 

The door across the hall is a little open and there are voices drifting out of it. Terezi pushes it open, stepping inside. There's a scrape of a chair and before she can say anything, arms are flung around her neck. Familiar arms- Karkat's arms. She is startled but she wraps her arms around him too, squeezing him tightly. 

"Karkat..." She breathes into his ear.

"You idiot, I thought you were going to die." Karkat sounds breathless, "Jesus, fuck, I can't believe you sometimes. I was so scared. Just-" He leans in and kisses her, firmly, solidly, on the lips, "I'm so glad you're alive." 

"I'm so glad you don't hate me." Terezi says, her chest tight.

"Of course I don't hate you, dumbass." Karkat kisses her again, on the cheek, "Fuck, you need to take better care of yourself. I need to look after you. I'll die before I let you hurt yourself that badly again." 

"Flushed for you." Terezi says, for the first time. 

"Flushed for you." Karkat replies.


End file.
